Angel's Wings
by RinoaTifa
Summary: SquallxRinoa How do you piece together the parts of a broken life? After a tragic accident, Squall's world is torn apart. Please R&R.
1. Remembrance's Sting

Angel's Wings

This is basically set two years after the game Final Fantasy VIII and tragically the female lead Rinoa has died. It's all about Squall and how he's dealing with it, and I threw in some flashback sequences too. It's going to be very dark and angsty, so prepare yourself.

All feedback is welcomed, as well as constructive criticism.

Well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVIII or any of the related characters/places. They belong solely to Square-Enix.

Chapter One: Remembrances Sting

_Lights flashing… Screaming… Blood… Children's shouts… Darkness… More blood… Fear… Panic… Screaming… Her face… His world falling apart before his very eyes… _

Squall Leonhart's eyes flew open, the sunlight flooding through his window momentarily blinding him. Morning. He sighed painfully. Another day, another weight added to the burden on his heart.

He sat up, and stared down at his SeeD uniform. He didn't remember sleeping in it but then he didn't remember a lot of things now. The days seemed to have run together into a bland stream of nothingness. He felt as though he was on the edge of a chasm, a great pit of emptiness, so close in fact that just the slightest whisper of the wind could be enough to send him spiralling down into it, and he couldn't help but wonder what a relief that would be.

But he couldn't just stop. Life wasn't like that. So he rose, and began his mundane morning ritual, going through the paces robotically, only pausing once. After his shower, after struggling into another, clean uniform, his eyes fell on a photo. A photo that had sat by his bed for over two years now and no matter how many times it caught his gaze, it always managed to take his breath away.

Rinoa. He'd always loved that photo, because it seemed to capture her personality perfectly in a way that was difficult to express through mere words. She was wearing her usual bright blue outfit and was leaning casually against a balcony at Balamb Garden, the setting sun providing the perfect backdrop, its pastel colours running fluidly into one another and in beautiful contrast to Rinoa's own sharp shades, her dark hair and deep eyes. Smiling, she posed slightly for the camera, one hand on her hip, the other running self-consciously through her hair.

Never had he thought that it would one day soon be the only thing he'd have left of her. Squall swallowed slightly in an attempt to rid himself of the lump rising in his throat, and carried on getting dressed.

Not long later, he pushed open the heavy wooden door to his office, the words "Headmaster Leonhart" emblazoned in gold letters across them, and sat heavily down in his chair. The office had been specially selected for Squall not only for its practicality – the office being very close the elevator and Balamb's control room – but because of the spectacular view it provided its inhabitants.

The south wall of Headmaster Leonhart's office was devoted entirely to a window that spanned from the deep red carpet to the very ceiling. To walk over to the window and look out was to fall into a world of beauty and bliss.

As Squall surveyed the view now, he saw not beauty and bliss, or the blue sky and lazy clouds, or the vibrant fields and rolling hills. All he saw was sadness and despair. That was all he ever saw. With shaking hands he opened a packet of cigarettes lying on his desk and placed one in his mouth before lighting it. His vision blurred but he angrily blinked the tears away. Headmasters don't cry.

Eventually, he became aware of the red blinking light indicating a new message on his answer phone, its brightness penetrating his misery. His immediate reaction was to ignore it but then he considered that it may be about something important, maybe from Xu or Quistis. He pressed the button and listened.

"Hi, Squall!" chirruped a familiar female voice through the tinny speaker. "I just wanted to say that there's something I need to – uh – show you at the concert hall. It's kinda urgent, so if you could get here around nine before your morning meeting, that'd be great. Well, see you there!"

"Selphie," Squall murmured, after the message had ended. "If this is what I think it is…"

He glanced at his watch. Two minutes past nine read the digital face. He sighed and decided to go, despite his reservations. Maybe he was wrong.


	2. Pushing Away

Chapter Two: Pushing Away

Squall groaned inwardly. It was exactly what he'd thought it would be and he wasn't even there yet. As soon as the lift doors had clattered open on the ground floor, two SeeD girls ran from around the corner towards the concert hall, whispering excitedly, "He's coming! He's coming!"

Squall paused. It wasn't too late to turn around and go back to his office. But he'd been spotted now and he knew Selphie would take it as a personal insult if he didn't turn up.

The second he came around the corner, he was surrounded by multi-coloured balloons, banners, food even though it was so early in the day, SeeD and students. He saw a banner running across the stage proclaiming, "Happy Birthday, Headmaster Leonhart!" and a great cry of, "Surprise!" came from the many people attending. Selphie had certainly gone all out on this one.

Squall forced a smile. "Well… you got me," he said. "You had me well and truly fooled. Really."

He looked around at all the familiar faces, smiling at him instead of averting their gaze, trying to talk to him instead of going out of their way to avoid him. Still, he couldn't blame them. After all, he hadn't exactly gone out of his way to be friendly to them, not after…

"Hey, Squall!" said Selphie a while later, bounding over to him. "Do you like the party?"

Selphie Tilmitt, one of Squall's few friends who had not began avoiding him, had actually turned nineteen the other week, even though she didn't look it. Selphie still carried the care-free look of a child and with her short hair and natural exuberance most people assumed that she was far younger than she actually was.

A bubble of rage filled Squall and in a way he welcomed it because at least he was feeling something other than the bleakness and misery that he had been experiencing for so long. "Do I like the party?" he hissed so as not to be over heard. "Do I like the party? Selphie, you know full well what happened this time last year. Rinoa _died_ today. And you go and throw a party like it's something to be celebrated? What on earth were you thinking?"

"I - I didn't mean it like that…" stammered Selphie, fingering one of her chocolate locks in anxiety. "I… I just wanted to cheer you up." She looked down, tears welling in her eyes.

Squall's heart gave a jerk and a small, small part of him wanted so much to say, "No, I'm wrong. This party was great and has cheered me up, thanks so much," or, "I know you didn't mean it like that, I'm just being over-emotional," or even just say, "I'm sorry." But that part had all but died a year ago today and he wasn't about to start listening to it again now.

So instead he left her there and walked away, shaking his head. Those wounds were still too fresh.

As he headed back to his office, he heard someone yell, "Squall!" He turned and saw Zell Dincht, another of his would-be close friends were Squall not so busy alienating everyone, jogging lightly towards him. Squall clenched his fists, hoping Zell wouldn't say anything to make him want to use them as today he really wasn't in the mood.

"Squall," continued Zell, catching up with him. He paused for a moment, seeming uncomfortable. "Listen, man, General Caraway's holding a memorial service – just a small one, like – today in honour of Rinoa. He said that he'd invited you but didn't get any response so he asked me to remind you. We're meeting at three outside Caraway's mansion. Do you think you can make it?"

Squall felt the pain throbbing in his heart and considered saying no. But then he thought of her and knew that she would have wanted him to go. "Alright," he said finally. "I'll be there."


	3. Fondest Memories

Chapter Three: Fondest Memories

Squall stood in the well-furbished study of General Caraway, a glass of wine in one hand and a packet of cigarettes in the other. The room looked as it always had aside from the fact that his desk had been moved and more chairs had been set out for the guests.

Squall sat in one of the chairs provided and thought about the service. The church had been lavishly decorated with lilies – Rinoa's favourite flower – and the altar had been covered in her most precious possessions – a photo of her mother, a feather, Angelo's leash and, of course, her necklace.

After her death, Caraway had tried to give Squall the necklace as a reminder of everything he had meant to her but Squall had found he couldn't take it. At the time he'd wanted to forget that day completely and only now did he regret that decision. What better way to remember her than with that which she holds dearest? Caraway had kept the necklace and even had a glass box erected for it to be placed in. Squall felt that was far more fitting than putting it away in a jewellery box. That'd be like shutting the lid on her memory, rather than letting it shine for all to see.

Yes, the church had looked beautiful and he knew how much Rinoa would have appreciated it, but the sermon… Squall didn't know who the priest had been describing up there, but it hadn't been his Rinoa. His lively, vivacious, passionate, kind, loving Rinoa. Loving. How much he missed her and now all he had left of her were memories…

"Come in," said Squall calmly from behind his desk, the sunlight filtering through the window behind him. The door opened and Squall put down the papers he was marking to see Rinoa come through the door.

She smiled sweetly at him and perched herself on the end of his desk, her deep brown eyes staring into his own. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hello, Rinoa," smiled Squall briefly before going back to his papers.

For a moment, Rinoa looked a little put out and shifted uncomfortably but then she smiled again. "I was thinking," she said, running her fingers through her dark hair. "That maybe we could go out tonight, you and me. Balamb's stopping over Esthar tonight for supplies, so we could pop into one of those new restaurants or go catch a film or something."

Squall shook his head. "Can't. These papers have to be marked."

Rinoa tensed slightly. "Well, how about _tomorrow_ night?"

Squall looked at her. "You know we can't do that. Not only do I have a very important meeting with the Headmaster of Trabia Garden," he gestured at the schedule pinned to one of the walls. "But… He's there."

Rinoa placed a hand gently on his arm but he shrugged her off. She stood up abruptly, disturbing the papers and sending them spilling over the floor. "There's always something, isn't there? Some little job that simply has to be done and is so urgent you can't even spend one evening with your supposed _girlfriend!_" The last word came out as an angry cry as Rinoa released the feelings that she had pent up so long inside.

Squall stared at her, shocked. "I thought that you would understand," he replied.

"What do you think I've been trying to do, Squall? Hmm? But you just make it so damn difficult sometimes! I don't even feel like I have a boyfriend anymore – I am tired of having a relationship with your secretary as messenger!" She stormed over to the door and threw it open then turned back to face him. "Look, Squall, it's not my fault that you have issues with your father."

"I know!"

"Then stop acting like it is!" And with that she stormed out of the room, slamming the door angrily behind her and banging into a clearly confused Quistis who had been waiting in the reception area.

"Rinoa, are you al-?" she began but Rinoa was already gone. Quistis peered around the door of Squall's office, taking in the papers strewn across the floor and the stunned expression on the Headmaster's face. "What have you done now?" cried Quistis in exasperation.

Squall stood up slowly and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Quite possibly ruined the best thing I had going for me."

Rinoa sat on one of the desks in an empty SeeD classroom, sobbing quietly. Part of her was still angry at Squall for his insensitivity but now she couldn't help but a feel a little guilty. Maybe she had overreacted a little. Another part also wondered why he hadn't found her yet, or if he was even looking. Well, Rinoa, she thought, you may well have blown it this time.

"Hey," said a voice softly from the doorway.

Rinoa didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. "What do you want Squall?"

Squall didn't respond straight away but instead wove his way between the tables to where Rinoa sat. "May I?" he asked, indicating the adjacent desk. She shrugged. Squall took that as a yes and heaved himself up, legs swinging. He lowered his neck and tried to look into her eyes.

Rinoa looked away quickly. Yes, she wanted to make up but no way was he going to guilt an apology out of her. After all, he was the one in the wrong. Quickly, she thought up several arguments she may use in her defence should the need arise.

"I've been thinking," murmured Squall in that same soft, silky tone. "About you and me. I booked us a table at the _Homesick Soldier_ this new restaurant in Esthar at seven. That is, if you're willing to go with me."

Rinoa shook her head. "So typical of you, Squall. You think that you can just waltz in here with a bunch of flowers or a few complimentary words and dinner reservations and everything will be alright. Well, let me tell you-"

"Rinoa," Squall interrupted and Rinoa felt the excuses die in her throat. "I love you."

There was a moment's silence. For the first time since he had come in, Rinoa looked at Squall. "Wh-what?"

"I love you." He stated the three words simply and Rinoa saw the sincerity in his eyes. Rinoa let out a little giggle of disbelief. Squall blinked at her then began to laugh too, suddenly struck by the unlikelihood of that remark in these circumstances. Soon they were both bent over helplessly unable to stop the laughter if they tried.

Rinoa hopped off the table, finally able to control her giggles and stared into those deep, aqua eyes as her own filled with tears. "I love you too," she whispered and they shared an embrace the likes of which neither had ever experienced before and were unlikely to again. It was as though their very souls were being entwined and both marvelled at the relief and joy three simple words could bring.

Suddenly, Rinoa pulled away. Squall gave her a questioning look, a little startled. "Well if we're going out tonight I'd better start getting ready," she smiled at him and they laughed and shared one final quick kiss.


	4. A Lost Man's Wanderings

Chapter Four: A Lost Man's Wanderings

Squall treasured that kiss, brief as it was, and allowed the beautiful feeling that had come with it wash over him, only emotions never seem as powerful when relived and the feeling was soon gone leaving him with a strange emptiness. Squall felt a lump well up in his throat and, making hasty goodbyes, hurried away from the building and the many memories that lived on there.

It was only when he got outside that he realised he had no idea where to go. On instinct he wandered towards Deling City Park. It was still early but already the first lines of darkness crept across the sky and the street lamps neon glow illuminated the twilight.

Squall pushed open the heavy Iron Gate and entered the park, walking with no clear idea of where he was going, the emptiness gnawing away at his heart with even more persistence than usual. Though the pain he felt was an internal one, he found that his constant awareness of it drained his strength and he searched for somewhere to rest. Eventually he settled for a small secluded hill within the park, not too far walking distance from an exit but not too close to be easily spotted by any passers by or early evening joggers.

He tugged off his uniform SeeD jacket and lay it down on the dewy grass to sit on. Staring up at dusk sky, he couldn't help but think how beautiful it was and how much she would have loved to have seen it. He could just imagine her now, sitting beside him, the wind gently tousling her hair, the soft smile on her lips and the far away look her eyes always adopted when staring up at the sky…

Squall stopped. Thoughts like that would only break his heart.

Instead, he thought of his friends. They'd done so much for him and only now could he really begin to appreciate that. After her death, they'd all come regularly, checking up on him, inviting him out or just dropping by for a quick chat. He'd rejected them coldly, seeing their sympathy as pity and wanting none of it. He hadn't been able to understand that all they'd wanted was to help him and in a way themselves for Rinoa's death had hurt them all and if her boyfriend could accept her passing it would be easier for them to. But he hadn't and they'd had to learn on there own how to cope. They really had been, Squall considered, just about the best friends he could have asked for and still were.

A pang of guilt struck his heart as he thought of Selphie and what he'd said to her earlier. He hadn't meant what he'd said, not really. It was merely a sign of his grief that he had lashed out someone close to him, a desperate attempt to feel something again even if it be guilt and regret. But that still didn't give him the right to treat her that way.

Sighing, he resolved to apologise to her first thing in the morning as he really didn't feel up to it tonight. He'd do so to her face, not take the coward's way out with a note or message.

This resolution suddenly made Squall feel a great deal better, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and though, of course, he still did not feel what may be described as happy, it was the best he had felt in a very long time.

As he marvelled at this new revelation, he became aware of a shadow looming over him. "Hey," said a familiar voice.

Irvine Kinneas had grown up a lot in the past two years. Having passed the final SeeD exam six months ago, he was now dressed in the traditional navy uniform, his cowboy hat nowhere in sight. Irvine had also cut his long locks down to a much shorter style for the "convenience." Yet still his eyes possessed their familiar sparkle and smiled that same slanted smile that stole so many young women's hearts.

Squall simply nodded in acknowledgement. Secretly, he hoped the gunman would soon leave him to his own thoughts but Irvine just stared up at the early evening sky, lost in his own thoughts.

"So," he said after a while. "A little birdie tells me that you yelled at Selphie earlier."

Squall felt that same pang of guilt twang his heart strings. Irvine had been Selphie's boyfriend for almost two years now, and things were getting pretty serious. Squall was still amazed it had lasted so long – not out of disrespect to Irvine, but he wasn't exactly the most commitment-minded guy out there. But that'd all stopped as soon as he'd got together with Selphie. Irvine was renowned for being extremely protective of the bubbly young girl who wore her heart so openly on her sleeve and everyone knew what happened to them if they hurt her.

Squall stood up and faced Irvine calmly. "Look, if you want to punch me, just do it. I'm sorry for what I did, I know it wasn't right and if I could take it back I would but I can't so let's please just get this over with!" He closed his eyes tight (after all, Irvine had been spending a lot of time with Zell down in the training centre) but the blow never came.

"I'm not going to hit you."

Squall opened his eyes to see Irvine stretching out on his own jacket, eyes fixed once more on the setting sun.

Squall frowned but sat back down beside him, instinctively reaching for his cigarettes then, realising they were still in his jacket, searched the materials lining for the inside pocket and fished them out. He offered one to Irvine.

Irvine surveyed the pack with distaste. "Don't you know those things kill you?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Nope," replied Squall sarcastically, lighting up. "No-one's ever told me that before." Squall took a deep drag before exhaling a long plume of grey smoke. "So, go on then, tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why you're not going to hit me. I sure as hell deserve it."

"Well, I'm not disagreeing with that," admitted Irvine, leaning back on his hands. "But that doesn't mean that what you did is completely unacceptable. You've been through a lot recently and I guess it was a little tactless of Selphie, pulling a stunt like that." Irvine faced him and in the semi-light he saw the gunman smirk. "Besides, at least you're talking to us now."

Squall nodded. "I guess you're right."

They sat for a long time in contented silence, watching the sun slowly sink beneath the horizon until they could only make out shadowy images of one another by the burning embers of Squall's cigarette.

Finally, Irvine broke the silence. "You know, you never told us."

"Told you what?"

It was hard to tell in the conditions but to Squall it seemed as though Irvine was uncomfortable with what he was saying. "What happened that day, in Timber. With you and," there was a short pause and then the last word came in a whisper, "_Rinoa_."

Squall was silent for a long time. Then he sighed painfully, the sigh of one who had held too many emotions too long inside. Maybe he should tell Irvine? He'd waited long enough and maybe then he would feel some sense of relief or at least have someone to talk to about his grief. "Okay," he said at last, dropping his cigarette and stubbing it out with his toe. And then he began the story.


	5. Into the Darkness Again

Chapter Five: Into the Darkness Again

It was an unusually sunny day in Timber and the area bustled with activity. As Timber had become somewhat of a tourist attraction, stalls were found on every corner the owners hollering out prices and previewing their wares and of course the tourists drinking it all in and wasting a good deal of their gill. The locals went about their normal, everyday business, occasionally stopping to complain to one another about how busy the roads had become and how much better Timber had been before the sudden rush of tourists. Children played on the roadside unperturbed by the masses of vehicles so close by. A dog ran around madly, barking at everything in sight.

All in all, this was a very normal day in Timber and as Squall Leonhart sat on the stations bench he couldn't help but be grateful for that. This was his first real day off in weeks and it'd been lovely just to spend it somewhere peaceful and normal. He hadn't wanted to visit some packed to the seams hectic theme park because that sort of chaos was what he had to endure every day back at Balamb! It was far nicer just to relax in a small café, go around the park and see a film with his girlfriend.

Rinoa nestled into his warm black jacket. "Happy birthday Squall," she murmured.

He held her close, enjoying the sweet scent of her perfume washing over him. He wished this moment would never end. "Come on," he said gently. "The train won't be here for another five minutes. Want to get an ice cream?"

She nodded and they rose, stretching from the long period they had been sitting down for, and Rinoa began to head towards the traffic lights nearby.

"Hold on, I just have to get my jacket," said Squall, bending down to pick it up.

Rinoa smiled. Still it shocked her how little it took to make Squall happy. She knew that if she'd organised some massive surprise party at the concert hall or wherever it would have been a mistake. Oh, he'd pretend to enjoy it and be polite to everyone but she knew that secretly he'd loathe the attention. So instead she'd brought him here and he really was delighted. In a way it wasn't a surprise – Squall had always shown a preference for tranquillity and calm.

As Rinoa waited, a little girl across the road caught her eye. The girl could have only been about seven, her red hair in little pig tails either side of her rosy pink face. _This girl has her whole life ahead of her_, she marvelled. The little girl was bouncing a red ball with a look of such furious concentration it made Rinoa almost want to laugh.

But as Rinoa watched, the little girl's hand slipped and the ball was send careering off into the road, the girl promptly heading straight after it.

Rinoa gasped as a four by four turned the corner, heading straight towards the child. Without a seconds thought, Rinoa ran straight into the road, a car swerving to miss her, and over to the little girl, pushing her forcefully out of the way of the oncoming vehicle.

Squall watched the rest as if it were in slow motion. The little girl fell backwards onto the pavement, gasping. Rinoa made to follow her but the car was too close.

A squeal of brakes. A scream.

"NO!" Squall ran to Rinoa's side, ignoring any risks of himself being injured.

She lay there like a broken doll, blood seeping onto the road, her eyes open and glazed. Squall grabbed her hand, his vision distorted by the tears in his eyes. "Rinoa…" he whispered.

Her eyes focused suddenly, looking in to his own. She smiled weakly. "Is the little girl okay?"

Squall nodded, words failing him. The tears were now rolling freely down his cheeks. He felt someone place an arm on his shoulder. "We've called an ambulance," they said in a hushed tone.

"Squall…" Rinoa's voice was barely audible and her eyes were becoming glassy once more. "Squall, if I die-"

"No! No, Rinoa, don't say that you're going to be fine! You're going to be fine."

"I want you to know, I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered, kissing the hand that he held. "I love you so, so much."

"And there's something else…" she murmured and Squall had to lean in to hear the last words she said to him. The last words she said to anyone.

A whisper of breath escaped Rinoa's lips, and she died.

The rest of that day were a blur to Squall even now. He remembered an ambulance and people trying to talk to him, to check him over, asking if he was alright. Most of all he remembered one of the ambulance men saying, "It's too late; she's gone."

_She's gone._

Squall's knees buckled and he toppled forwards, surrendering to the blackness. _Gone. _When he woke up, nearly five hours later, it was in Balamb infirmary and he remembered weeping bitter tears before resolving to never weep again.

"But what did she say, Squall?" urged Irvine. "What did she say to you before she died?"

Squall shook his head sadly, voice breaking. "She said, 'Remember Squall that you're never alone.'" _But she was wrong_, he couldn't help but think. _I am alone._

_Gone._

Author's Note: Oh, the horror's of writers block.Hopefully I'll get over it soon - I really don't want to let this fanfic die. Until I do, all comments and critisicms are welcomed. Thanks.


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